It all started very innocently.....a status update once a day-usually in the early morning and then checking for comments about the status update later that night and at the same time checking my News Feed and "liking" other postings....and so on......
But by a couple of years in I was fully and completely addicted. Status updates multiple times a day. Searching for that really unique and unknown news story to post that would make my "friends" think a little or laugh a lot. Coming up with snarky and entertaining comments to accompany those posts. And, a family outing was no longer just a family outing either. Every trip to the beach, vacation out of town, hike, anything was a moment to be preserved in Facebook history!
I couldn't go more than an hour without checking my status. What were they saying about my posts? What were others saying about what I said about their posts? What were others saying about what others said about what I said about their posts....and so on.....
Did anyone like my pictures of the birthday present I got my wife? And so on....
I finally hit my rock bottom (as they say in the addiction world) at my son's first Boston Red Sox game at Fenway this month. There we were sitting along the third-base line, perfect weather and a perfect night for my son's first game. About thirty minutes after I posted the very first pictures from Fenway, there I was checking for comments. Just like the addict who can't wait to heat up the crack rock, there I was taking a nice long toke from my phone! ahhhh the euphoria!!
I realized what I was doing. I looked over at my wife and she was giving me the look...and silently saying with that look "do you have to do that now?" .....just like the wife of an alcoholic who sees her husband sneaking a sip out of a flask, partially hidden under his coat. In that instant I saw myself as an addict and a moment of clarity and a little shame ensued.
So, the decision has been made....cold turkey off Facebook until at least Labor Day! And then, who knows? I might wade back in-with limits. But if I am not feeling confident in my "recovery" then I may just stay off until Christmas or longer. I don't know.
And, it hasn't been easy. Just like the alcoholic who craves the taste of gin on the tongue or the heroin user who craves the prick of the needle...the fight to resist the urge to rejoin the rest of the world in the "largest town square ever" has been tough, tougher than I thought it would be. I have already relapsed, but today is a new day...as was yesterday.
And, as I wrote this piece it occurred to me....Since virtually all of my friends and family get all of their information on Facebook, the only way a majority of those people are going to see my blog is for me to reactivate my facebook account, post this link and then get the heck out of there before I become tempted to stay around and visit awhile. This is sort of like the alcoholic having to walk into the liquor store to place an ad right in the scotch aisle, for his tag sale on Saturday because he knows that's where all of his friends will see it. Wish me luck. If you like my writing, please follow my blog. If enough people follow it, I won't have to visit the liquor store.
I have not heard yet of a support group for recovering Facebook addicts in my local area. Perhaps I should start one?
